Holding on
Transitions have never been super easy for me, even when they are good and exciting. I remember after Glenn and I returned from our honeymoon. I was sick with a 103* fever, laundry had piled up, the kitchen as a mess and food needed to be prepared. Instead of wanting to help the man who would be my partner for life, I desperately wanted to go home to my mom!
Fast forward five years, when God called us to Vermont. It was clear that He wanted us to be here. At first the beauty of the land and the warmth of our new church family had covered up the fact that I would miss my home state of New Jersey. Then came month two and three in our new home state and I struggled a bit with missing my family and friends. Both of these changes were good... but good doesn’t always equal smooth sailing.
Since then, life has continued to bring endings and beginnings. Right now, we are in the midst of several transitions as a family. Josh and Sarah will be getting married in May. Jeff is graduating from UNH in May and will be taking the NCLEX and on to his last season of football. Jeremy is graduating from high school and heading off to college and Jonathan will be graduating in December. And this is just to name a few things going on.
I’ve been struggling; without even realizing it. I’m tired. I feel anxious, frustrated, and not at all like myself! God was so gracious to me yesterday to show me why. I’ve been holding on to things. I’m holding on to concerns for my parents, that they would have the support and care that they need. I’ve been holding on to concerns about money -- not wanting the boys to have debt, concern for them to have a good start for their next part of their individual journeys. For us to have enough for retirement if and when that time comes. I’ve been holding onto my own desire for a clean, uncluttered, conflict free home. I’ve been holding onto a desire for sunny, longer, warmer days. I’ve been holding onto pain that some of our church family has faced or is facing with crisis in their lives… holding on… holding on…
Why do I forget that God loves theses people more than I do? That He cares for them with a far greater understanding of their needs? That if for some reason, I can’t help them… trust that God will provide for the people and resources they need?
It all boils down to this simple equation: situations + lack of trust in God = chains of bondage.
In my head, I know I need to trust in God, but applying it to my heart is where He’s at work. Isaiah 40:31 says, “But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” More than anything else, this is what God is inviting me (us) to not only hold on, but to cling to today.
What are you holding on to?